Sex and violence: Is this normal, and how to find someone who is into the same sexual kinks as you?

First off, a heads up. This will be graphic for some and may be upsetting. Only serious answers please.



I am fairly normal sexually, aside from some kinks. I'm quite the masochist at times. Not always mind you, but when I'm in the mood for it, I can't seem to get enough...or rather, have never found anyone who has been willing to go so far as to find my limits.

When I'm in this particular kinky mood, I love thinking about, or watching videos of women being hurt by men (being hit, raped, poked with needles, cut, etc.)

I had a previous relationship with a partner who, in communicating before we met, had said he was really into S%26amp;M. Later on in our relationship when we would play around with it, he never wanted to go as far as I did and would only slap me some, choke me (but not too tight), and would never do anything with needles (I have a thing for venipuncture). We dated for a couple of years and only played like this a half dozen times.

When I'm not sexually active or not dating anyone, I think about it a lot more...in fact it takes up about %25-30 of my daily thoughts.

I want to be slapped hard or punched in the face and body (not just slapped around a little bit). I want to be held down and choked - cutting off all airflow. I want to be spit on. I want someone to slide a needle in my veins, or give me surface cuts with a scalpel. I want someone to pull and maybe rip out some hair. I want fingertip bruises all over my body. I want it to be rough and to hurt, and after it's over, I want someone to hold me and comfort me.



So my first question is, is this normal to be so fixated on this, and to this extreme?



Also, how do you find a partner that likes to play rough, who isn't an asshole in their normal daily life?



I just want a normal, mature guy in his 30's who is hard working, nice, will treat me well, and is dominant to a certain extent.



I know a bit about the BDSM culture, but I'm not so much into the showy things like elaborate set ups, scenes, leather (though I would be interested in being caned...). I understand hard lines and soft lines and safe words. I just don't like having to ask someone to do this for me, I want them to enjoy it too!Sex and violence: Is this normal, and how to find someone who is into the same sexual kinks as you?
Just ask for what you want .....Sex and violence: Is this normal, and how to find someone who is into the same sexual kinks as you?
Normal? who decides what is normal. you are who you are. if you do a google you might find some interesting websights. there are plenty of folks that enjoy your interests. keep looking.
It's really normal, but you have to really discuss it with your partner that you can trust.

But I think it only happens after you and that partner has been together for a while.

Give me a message, and maybe we can work something out.
yes its perfectly normal. i know a lot of ppl that are like that....i think it depends on what state/area you are from. i live in CA, and i have seen many ppl open to it from north by SF to the south by LA. (dont kow anybody in san diego so couldnt tell you). but yeah i hear of it as open to anything else. ive heard of choking out and so forth.
Is it normal? Personally I think is it is between consenting partners it is normal. Is it common? Probably not to the level you want to take it, but then it is also a subject most people do not talk about with people they are not very intimate with. Even then most will not be completely honest as they fear others will see them as strange or perverted.



If I had to guess why you are finding a hard time finding what you want is most people do not want to hurt the person there with or fear going to far. In this type of relationship communication is the key. Probably more so then in other so called normal relationships.



You may have to top from the bottom in that it will take time to find a guy that is willing to go as far as you are. You will need to talk to him a lot, reassure him and in time he may give you what you want. Good luck.